Things have been changing around me rapidly as time go on.. more and more.. I am shocked and amazed at everything that is thrown at me. Some good.. some bad.. But this time around even though i go through the bad i finally have someone there to support me and walk it together with me.. In the past i fail to let anyone be that "someone" because i feel if i do.. it will leave me vulnerable to pain or being hurt.. i was stubborn. you kidding me? im still stubborn. lol. but someone has help talk me through and being somewhat "less" stubborn lol. i can't help it that i'm a scorpio!! =) But I'm getting older and older. For god sakes,  I'm turning 27 this year.. =( as much as i don't wanna hear it.. but it's true.. i gotta face it sooner or later. No more playing childish games.. no more being stubborn.. no more keeping my walls up and keeping my emotions to myself.. no more holding back.. it's time to move forward! I'm finally graduating in 3 months and finish another chapter of my life and I need to focus on what's i want after this. I partied myself out and lived my single life for over the past 2 years and I'm done. I gained tons of experience and memories.. I am not selfish to finally taking the time to devote to my future. I'm not getting any younger. I look around and i see all my fellow high school classmates, old friends, people my age or even YOUNGER! has already gotten married and have kids. I know my clock is ticking and it's sucks cuz i know i hang out with a bit younger crowd than people my age cuz they are usually married and  have a family. I don't mind it at all. But i wish they understood where i'm coming from... what's going on in my life.. i can't party every weekend like before... yea i was a late bloomer.. experience the single life and clubbing and drinking starting at 24 til now. 27 is going to be different for me and im determine to switch it up. Never in my state of mind am i giving up anyone in my life of course. EVERY SINGLE person that walked into my LIFE has been important to me one way or another or else I wouldn't have never taking my time with them or for them. They are good people. No matter what they look like in the outside or how people think how bad they are or what not. I KNOW IN MY HEART.. the friends i have may have flaws but without a doubt has the most incredible HEART. i would NEVER trade ANY of my friends for ANYTHING. They are the reason why i am who i am today. I am so happy with my life right now. Even though, my stress level have never been this high before.. im surprisely content with my family, friends, and love life. They keep me grounded. They keep me sane. They keep me happy like i never been before. They are my heart and core. without them there is NO ME!

Being sick today.. i had some time staying at home thinking a lot and thought a lot about my past. And realize i remember thinking everything happens for a reason even though we may not know why at the time. I remember when i broke up with my ex of 8 years.. i told myself even though i loved him at the time.. i know it's best for us to be apart and with good reasoning. I didn't understand it. but now i do....

I never EVER stumble across a guy who appreciates me and take the time to show it. Someone who is able to take in all my flaws and my grumpiness and things i do that doesn't make sense. He is something. And it still mind boggles me how did i get so lucky to have a guy care about me this much?? I been blessed. Even when i tried to push him away as much as possible and as hard as i can in the beginning.. he NEVER gave up.. How can i say no to this?
Gosh, in the beginning of a every relationship.. you just want to spend a good amt of time together but it's different for us. =( we have a obstacle between is and it's called distance. It's a miracle if we even get to see each other on the weekend and we go on weeks before we can see each other again.. We try to see each other every weekend or every other week but we things going on for the both of us that is very important to us we are not able to see each other for 3 weeks straight. It really does suck and I've never been in a long-distance relationship before and i don't know what to expect but all i know is.. for once i think it's worth giving it a shot. These are my true feelings and im slowly learning to express my feelings and stop holding them in and bottle them inside.

It's that time of the year again! When you can eat as much as you can consume with no care in the world about what people think or counting calories. It's a day to be reminded about all the important people in your life and how much they really mean to you and it's a day for you to let them know. It's the unsaid words that may not be passed on in our everyday lives but it's in there unexpressed. It's great to have holidays like this for us to show our appreciation for one another and tell them how grateful for them to be in your life. It can be a friend that you've had for many years or can be a friend you just met this year. Looking back it had been a long road and i remember there was a point where i was so depressed and so unhappy about myself and my life and it was hard getting through day by day. Gosh, now it doesn't even cross my mind!! I can't say I'm sad about anything! Yea.. i may not have lost the weight i wanted to but yet I'm still happy with myself. People don't just like me for my look but for me =) And that is enough. And i can't posssssssibly done it without the close friends that i have. I am soooooooooooo lucky i have a HANDFUL of who i can call my close friends who i can call when i need help with a flat tire, a ride when i didn't have my car, spot me at the restaurant, text or come visit me or take me out when im sad and traumatized after a horrific car accident, etc... It's like daym what did i do in my previous life to be blessed with friends that some don't even find in their lifetime?!!??! People only wish and hope to have the same bond and "circle" that i share with my fellow buddies and it's not something that's given to you but first it's luck to come across and meet the person then both parties must build that relationship strong and MAINTAINED over the time to build this bridge strong enough to withhold any storm, rain, or weather. It can't be broken once it's pasted it's final stages of construction, but i learned it can extend and remodeled longer and longer and stronger and stronger. =) If you get my flow? I've been touched with a lot of stories that i got to see in class i wish i can post every single thing i saw and share every little detail but unfortunately i can't since i have no resource to them. But i'll let you know some quotes that i pulled out and stood out that i can't forget...

" HAPPINESS IS WITHIN YOUR REACH "
" DON'T MAKE LIFE SO COMPLICATED "

#1 I LOVE MY FAMILY.
#2 I LOVE MY FRIENDS.
#3 I LOVE MY EXPERIENCES.
#4 I LOVE MY LIFE.
#5 I LOVE PHLIP WANG.

Everything happens for a reason. If you don't like something about your life. CHANGE IT. Don't say "YOU CAN'T" because YOU CAN! but many fear the unknown and to face what they are weak at but it isn't IMPOSSIBLE. YOU WANT BAD ENOUGH, YOU WILL DO IT. you want to better yourself, you go get them tiger! Rake in all your courage and bravery from all corners and hold on to sources to gives you power and strength and hit it head on! ALL OR NOTHING! In the end, you won't regret it that you didn't try at all but you have given YOUR ALL and your heart can be laid to rest. Either happy with what you wanted or happy that you tried and was satisfied and move on. =) LIFE IS GREAT! JUST stop and take a second and look around and think what you DO have and not what you DON'T. =) MUCH LOVE! <3 HELEN effing TRAN! OH YEA!!!!

"It’s not that I’m afraid to get hurt… cuz I’ve been there before and I survived it. People have let me down, so I’ve learned not to expect anything from anyone. See, I’ve been broken by love. And what I fear the most is hurting you because of that." -- TIB

I'm determine to live a jerk-free life. I am done with going with MY norm and it's time to step out of my box and learn that it's stupid to be close-minded and stubborn. It's time to give opportunities to those who work hard and sure deserves it than those who does not. I am sick of just putting my hopes up and always getting disappointed. I don't like playing games. I really don't. So I am not quitting but i will find a way for you to surrender instead.