Things have been changing around me rapidly as time go on.. more and more.. I am shocked and amazed at everything that is thrown at me. Some good.. some bad.. But this time around even though i go through the bad i finally have someone there to support me and walk it together with me.. In the past i fail to let anyone be that "someone" because i feel if i do.. it will leave me vulnerable to pain or being hurt.. i was stubborn. you kidding me? im still stubborn. lol. but someone has help talk me through and being somewhat "less" stubborn lol. i can't help it that i'm a scorpio!! =) But I'm getting older and older. For god sakes, I'm turning 27 this year.. =( as much as i don't wanna hear it.. but it's true.. i gotta face it sooner or later. No more playing childish games.. no more being stubborn.. no more keeping my walls up and keeping my emotions to myself.. no more holding back.. it's time to move forward! I'm finally graduating in 3 months and finish another chapter of my life and I need to focus on what's i want after this. I partied myself out and lived my single life for over the past 2 years and I'm done. I gained tons of experience and memories.. I am not selfish to finally taking the time to devote to my future. I'm not getting any younger. I look around and i see all my fellow high school classmates, old friends, people my age or even YOUNGER! has already gotten married and have kids. I know my clock is ticking and it's sucks cuz i know i hang out with a bit younger crowd than people my age cuz they are usually married and have a family. I don't mind it at all. But i wish they understood where i'm coming from... what's going on in my life.. i can't party every weekend like before... yea i was a late bloomer.. experience the single life and clubbing and drinking starting at 24 til now. 27 is going to be different for me and im determine to switch it up. Never in my state of mind am i giving up anyone in my life of course. EVERY SINGLE person that walked into my LIFE has been important to me one way or another or else I wouldn't have never taking my time with them or for them. They are good people. No matter what they look like in the outside or how people think how bad they are or what not. I KNOW IN MY HEART.. the friends i have may have flaws but without a doubt has the most incredible HEART. i would NEVER trade ANY of my friends for ANYTHING. They are the reason why i am who i am today. I am so happy with my life right now. Even though, my stress level have never been this high before.. im surprisely content with my family, friends, and love life. They keep me grounded. They keep me sane. They keep me happy like i never been before. They are my heart and core. without them there is NO ME!
Being sick today.. i had some time staying at home thinking a lot and thought a lot about my past. And realize i remember thinking everything happens for a reason even though we may not know why at the time. I remember when i broke up with my ex of 8 years.. i told myself even though i loved him at the time.. i know it's best for us to be apart and with good reasoning. I didn't understand it. but now i do....
I never EVER stumble across a guy who appreciates me and take the time to show it. Someone who is able to take in all my flaws and my grumpiness and things i do that doesn't make sense. He is something. And it still mind boggles me how did i get so lucky to have a guy care about me this much?? I been blessed. Even when i tried to push him away as much as possible and as hard as i can in the beginning.. he NEVER gave up.. How can i say no to this?
"You are such a wonderful, sweet and caring girlfriend. The things you've have done for me is priceless. I am so happy to have you be part of my life right now. I can't believe that it's was almost a month ago that I asked you to be my girlfriend.
On Sunday during our dinner together, the only reason why I was quiet was because I was so sad and kept thinking to myself that this was going to be the last dinner that we're going to have with each other for awhile. It just hard to know to think that we won't get to share a meal together for awhile... however I was still happy that we had a wonderful meal together and I'm so grateful for that. =)
The hardest part of all was Monday morning when we had to say our goodbye. There were a lot of hugs and kiss, but I felt like it still wasn't enough and I still wanted to hug and kiss you even more. Once I was on my way back home, all I could think about was you and the past 2 weeks that we've got to spend with each other. It just made me even more sad, but also happy at the same time.
After school when I got home and laid in bed trying to nap, all I could think about was that i felt like something was missing and that was you. I missed sleeping next to you and it felt so weird not having you next to me while I sleep so that's why I couldn't nap cause all I could think about was you and how much I missed you. =/
Babe.. you make me feel wanted, someone who cares for me when I'm sad, someone who can put a smile on my face all the time, and someone that I can share my part of my life with. As you said before, we can't predict the future, but we can only take it day by day, which I'm am doing as well and just having fun talking and spending time together whenever we can...
I miss sleeping next to you, I miss waking up next to you, I miss giving you goodnight/goodmorning kisses, and I miss holding you to sleep...
All of this is because I just miss you... and can't wait to see you in a few weeks =)"
Dennis ♥ Helen
Gosh, in the beginning of a every relationship.. you just want to spend a good amt of time together but it's different for us. =( we have a obstacle between is and it's called distance. It's a miracle if we even get to see each other on the weekend and we go on weeks before we can see each other again.. We try to see each other every weekend or every other week but we things going on for the both of us that is very important to us we are not able to see each other for 3 weeks straight. It really does suck and I've never been in a long-distance relationship before and i don't know what to expect but all i know is.. for once i think it's worth giving it a shot. These are my true feelings and im slowly learning to express my feelings and stop holding them in and bottle them inside.